Monday, July 20, 2009

19 weeks is coming soon!

This weekend was very difficult for me.  I kept wondering why I had to go through what I went through last year all over again.  Then I thought about how much this little one has already been through and wondered how much more the poor little guy could take.  So I did my best to get all the tears out and start doing some positive things for my little Asher.  

I registered him at target.... which I was debating about not doing... as I had had Nels registered and then had big troubles canceling all the registrations later.  But I wanted this baby to be as real to me as Nels was.  I wanted him to be blessed like Nels was blessed and celebrated.  Then I took my sister-in-law and niece to the mall to use a gift certificated that Chris and I had won last year for the disney store.  I bought him a couple outfits.  

Then I figured out a theme for his room.  It is going to be the Lion and the Lamb.  We have some really cool animal stickers for the wall but I wanted to put a biblical touch to it also.  

I am still stressed.   I have poured out my heart to God asking why this had to happen.  I still have no answers.  So for now all I can do is to continue to pray for little Asher and ask God to help him grow into a happy healthy baby, little boy, & man!

I have an appointment tomorrow for blood test but other then that I have nothing scheduled until 21 weeks when my next appointment is.   That will be just 3 days before we close on our new house.  It will be so nice to have a safe place for this baby to grow up.

I took some time yesterday to worship.  I think that made a difference for me.  I took out the worship flags that I had taken to the hospital with me for baby Nels.  I turned on the music and began to dance before the Lord.  That is when I feel the safest.  That is when the stress doesn't seem to be there anymore.  Then reality comes crashing back in.

I know there is a reason for all of this.  I may not ever know why... but I hope and pray that this time I will have a baby to take home with me from the hospital.  I put the last picture from his 18 week ultrasound at the top.  He kept putting his hand on his nose.  His nose is a little different shaped then Nels's nose.  Maybe he will look different... that would be a blessing.  It would be so hard to look at another baby that looked the same as Nels.


  1. I think it is a great thing that you registered at Target, and that you bought him a few outfits. You are going to have a little boy with you soon, and he will need clothes! This is a very exciting time for you.

  2. Hi Special friend. I wrote a long post the other day, and then my internet crashed so lost it all. I cannot remember the details of it all, but just know that I had prayed at length for you, Chris and Asher.

    I was slightly sad to hear that this baby is a boy, and then as I prayed for you I recalled some things from a friend. Lizzie found out at 20 weeks that her baby had trimsomy 18 and was told to abort. She held onto hope, and received a lot of prophecies that her child would be healed. They called her Keziah Esther Joy. Having been told she would definitely not carry full term, Lizzie was induced at 41 weeks. After a long labour, right before Keziah entered the world her heart stopped. Lizzie said this: I believe that Keziah was in actual fact healed as she didn't suffer the pain in this world and went straight to glory. She lived a happy 9 months with Lizzie praising God, singing to her, and praying over her. She believed she did her best for Kezi and they celebrated her 41 weeks of life at a ceremony where 9 people came to know the Lord.

    While I do not begin to believe Asher will die, and I am trusting that he will be in full health, what I wanted to say was that it is important to make Asher's next 19 weeks or so the best possible. Praise God for him, sing to him, fill him with joy and not stress. I cannot begin to know how stressful this time is for you, but I also know that you know what is right.

    I have prayed to the Lord that His Holy Spirit will rise up in you and make the fear disappear. We are using our human understanding and strength and need Christ to give us his strength and confidence. I am praying that you will know peace that can only come from Christ and will hand over your next 19 weeks of pregnancy completely to the Lord. I pray you will find joy and love the rest of this pregnancy.

    You know that Asher has fought hard for his little life thus far, and I believe that is because God has a perfect plan for his life. I am trusting that plan does not involve any illness or disability.

    I love your nursery idea. Sounds brilliant. I don't know what target is, but good on you for making forward steps. I bet the disney outfits are adorable - I am sure he will get to wear them as a healthy infant.

    God Bless you richly. I am still praying my friend. xx