Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Contractions, Contractions, and more contractions. Week 33

Monday night through about noon Tuesday were the were the worst contractions I have had thus far. They were almost like the contractions I had on the beginning of the second day of labor with baby Nels. I was very much in pain and had trouble breathing because of them.

Then my doctor came by to see me, measure my cervix (which hadn't changed a bit), and gave me the medicine to help stop the contractions. I was in big pain so I was happy for the relief but now the contractions have become more irregular again. The medicine was a one time deal because my BP had gone up from all the prior days contractions. It was high enough that this medicine wouldn't lower it too low.

Today during my monitoring I noticed that the pattern had change back to a pattern closer to a week ago. I am not sure how I feel about that. I want Asher to grow a little more and be happy and healthy when he is born... but at this point... I am wanting him born soon. I know he is big enough now and would be a very healthy baby. What I am concerned about is having hard contractions for the next week and a half to 3 weeks and then not being able to enjoy the birth of my son because I am too exhausted to be present mentally. I want his birth to be wonderful... what mom wouldn't! I know I still have a risk of having to have a c-section but I am still praying for natural.

Today I get to go to a special meeting. It will be with someone who is working on a new nurse transition plan. 4 of the long term patients are going to this meeting to hear the new plan (which won't be implemented until January) and give our in put from a patient prospective on what will work good and what won't. That should be interesting.

After that I am going to attempt to do something kind for someone. We'll see how that works out! :) I am having my husband get something for one of the patients as well that she said she would like to have. Such a nice hubby I have!

I got to meet several patients yesterday at the group meeting. That was nice. I pray that all of them do well and heal quickly and for those with babies who have issues, I pray that the babies will be ok.

I only have 1 more week to go to get to the time that I had baby Nels. I went into labor with Nels starting at week 34 and had him at 34 weeks 2 days. If I had Asher on the same schedule I would end up having him somewhere between next wednesday and next friday. It turns out that next Thursday is baby Nels's 1st birthday in heaven. I wish I could go to his spot and take him a first birthday balloon. But I am stuck here so hopefully Chris will do it for me.

So here is my prayer for right now:

Abba, Heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of your son Jesus and ask for your help in my situation. Lord God please bring the contractions back to a normal pattern and help my body to begin to work correctly so that I will be able to have Asher soon. Lord, help my bodies to produce the hormones it need to so that Asher isn't bumping his head against what my doctor calls my cervix of steel. Lord prepare Asher for the birthing process. Help his lungs to be ready to breath and his body to be ready to eat. Lord God, I ask that you move in miracles and help my placenta to be up a bit so I can have Asher naturally. Lord I pray that he will be happy and healthy when he is born and that I will not be too tired to experience this miracle moment you have provided me with. Lord be with Chris. Keep him healthy so that he can be here during Asher's birth. Keep all illness from him. Lord I ask that you help the women here each with their own problems and burdens. Bless them with babies who not only survive but thrive. In thy name, amen!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Having a bit of a moment :(

This evening has been a rough one for me. Even though I had a nice visit with my cousin Tara and then with my mom and dad later on in the afternoon. That and getting a couple cards from Sandra were the bright spots of my day.

I have been having between 18 and 20 contractions an hour today. Pretty constant so I started to get a wee bit sore. The constant contractions have pretty much been happening for the last 3 days. My body is getting a bit tired and my mind is a bit tired too.

Early this evening I had a couple contractions that were hard enough to cause me to dry heave. That was bad. All it did was bring up memories of when I had baby Nels. The night before I had him I dry heaved pretty badly. Contractions were different with him though because the eased off and sometimes stopped all together. That is why I had to have Pitocin with him on the second day.

My doctor told me on Friday that my body was just one of those bodies that contracted a lot and that I shouldn't expect to have Asher until later on. She says my cervix is a cervix of steal. Honestly, I don't think I can handle weeks of this. My body is already tired... what will weeks do? Plus what is it doing to poor little Asher being squished and un-squished constantly.

This morning when the doctors came around I was getting out of the shower. They told me they would come back... but didn't. Evidently they decided on their own that they didn't need to monitor Asher twice a day anymore. This makes me nervous... contractions are getting worse... so less monitoring? UggggHHHHH! So frustrating. It gave me such peace hearing him at night. But it won't happen tonight. :( It make me kind of sad and kind of a little afraid of what could happen to Asher in the mean time. I didn't see a doctor all day today. I guess they are resigned to me being a chronically contracting person and aren't really concerned about Asher being born early.

I had a dream about that a couple days ago. Contractions were ignored long enough that I called Chris at work and told him I was having that day and he should come. In my dream he came and went over to the labor and delivery side. He was waiting over there in an empty room. I was going to walk over there too. As soon as I got close to that hall though I had Asher fall out in my pajamas. I picked him up and carried him to Chris. It was a very odd dream. I don't think that it will happen that way but I am concerned that they won't know when it is really happening. I am not the boy who cried wolf people... I really am having some bad contractions... you can see them on your monitoring... can't fake it!!!!

Ok I guess I should calm down and just try to be at peace at the moment for Asher's sake. I know God is in control and that He won't let me go through this alone and be in pain for weeks. I know also that Asher is grown well and would do fine if born soon so I can be at peace with that but what I don't know is how these contractions are treating him.

Please God keep Asher safe through the contractions and prepare his way quickly. In Jesus name, Amen!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

32 week update! :)

Yesterday was Asher's 32 week ultrasound. Here is the picture we got. I know it isn't a very clear one and it is kind of a smooshed look but this shows Asher with his head on the right. His eyes were open so the are the two black slit looking things. Then his nose was smashed against me and both his hands are fisted up.

Asher is measuring in the upper 50%'s for his age range which is good! He is doing well at growing and is 4.9 lbs.... but the size could vary from 1 to 2 lbs. So he may be a bit smaller. The estimate the weight by measuring their tummy. If the squish it with the ultrasound machine it can expand it causing it to measure bigger. They were pressing down hard to get the measurement so Asher probably is a bit smaller then that.

Since this was a more powerful ultrasound then the last one they were able to see the EIF on his heart again. This was disappointing to hear as I had thought for the past 3 weeks that it was gone... but it is not gone at all. Hopefully it will go away fast.

I had a talk with my doctor today about the results. She said he is doing well and that there is enough fluid. The fluid concerned me because the medication I am on for my BP can cause the fluid to go down. The main concern right now is still the position of the placenta.

My doctor told me that it was still too low and that if Asher needs to be born soon it would have to be a c-section. I hate that idea... because I know that c-sections are worse for babies and are worse for mom's too. In emergency situations I know they are helpful but I do hope that my placenta will move so he can come out naturally.

I also talked to her about how the cervix looked on the ultrasound. She said at this point she would rather go by the finger measurements... which I feel is actually very inaccurate as different people have different sizes of fingers.

My doctor also told me that her plan was to try to keep me pregnant until the 18th of November. I told her I didn't think that Asher was going to go with that plan. She said that some women just contract a lot and that if the cervix doesn't change it is not a problem. She says I have a cervix of steal. Well... I think it is molten steal right now or at least very flexible rubberized steal.

In the picture above the top part is the placenta. As you can see, his head is pushing on the placenta and pushing it toward the cervix which is opened and funneling on the top. As I was talking to one of my nurses about it she said that could be why all the contractions. Him pressing on the placenta could be causing the contractions which makes him press on it more. That is not a good cycle to be in. It could cause placenta tears or abruption. I am praying that the placenta moves far away from his head. That doesn't seem to be happening though as it has barely moved or possibly not moved at all. Last ultrasound it was 1.2 cm away from the cervix and this time it measured 1.6 cm away but the cervix has thinned out so it actually may have moved down rather then up. If something happens to the placenta where I bleed Asher will be born right away.

I have a feeling that Asher will be born in the next couple weeks and not make it to the 18th of November. When my body felt this many contractions with Nels he was born the next day. But I had no fluid so things felt different then this time. I don't think he will be born tomorrow or even in the next couple days but I have a feeling it will be sooner then later.

Though I don't want a c-section, I can't wait to meet my little guy. He is active and a fighter. He has done so well on his monitoring so far. Today though they did note that the pattern on the monitor looked like something was going on with the placenta. (Hopefully it was just Asher pushing on it.) If they see a pattern starting to go bad there he will also have to be born right away.

I was taken out of quarantine today and my doctor is back from her conference so I am ready whenever God and Asher decide it is time. I am so glad to have my door back open and to be able to get visitors again. I hope I will get some soon. :) If they have art class today I will go to that so I can meet some of the other mom's. That would be nice.

Dear Lord God, I thank you for healing me of the flu and getting me out of quarantine before Asher was born. I praise you Lord for what you have done. Lord I ask that you help my placenta to move rapidly so that Asher can be born naturally. Lord I know that you are in control of this situation and that you will not leave me or forsake me. Lord please let Asher come out soon so nothing happens to his placenta that can cause him harm. Do not let him get hurt in this waiting time. Lord as you help the placenta to move, so help the contractions to do their job as well. Please Lord remove the EIF from Asher's heart and help his heart to continue to work the way it should. Lord prepare my body for the birthing process and make it a smooth process for Asher and I. In Jesus name, Amen!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Waiting for results

I haven't been thinking about writing much in the last week or so. I was highly disappointed last friday when my H1N1 test was positive for a second time. I so much wanted out of quarantine and to see my husband for more then a few minutes.

With the positive test quarantine continues. That has been a challenge but thankfully I have gotten to see a couple people this week. Chris came on the weekend and visited for a few hours dressed up in the hazard suites the nurses and doctors wear. Then mom came today for Asher's ultrasound.

This morning I had my 3rd H1N1 test and I am praying that it will finally show negative. I know that all things are possible with God's help and I am going to patiently wait this time for the answer. It has been taking 2 days due to back ups in the lab that they have to send the test to. I should have the results by 5 pm tomorrow.

The other results I am waiting on today are the results from Asher's ultrasound this morning. I could see a huge difference in the amount of fluid but was told there was plenty there. I also saw that the placenta was still close to the cervix. The only difference there was that there was a baby's head down there and the cervix had definitely started shrinking in length and funneling at the top getting ready for Asher to come out. I have questions for the doctors about that but they haven't come in to give me the review yet. Hopefully soon.

One other good thing about Asher's position is that he is head down and his back is up! Yay!!!! That is the right position to be in Asher! Your such a good boy. Now just wait a couple more weeks and then you can make your grand entrance into the world. 2 tiny requests though baby boy... 1 pick your own day. Your cousin Loeli's birthday is the 30th and your brothers birthday is the 5th so if you could pick a different day then that I would greatly appreciate it! :) 2nd request... please please don't be born on the 31st. Mommy and daddy don't celebrate halloween and wouldn't want you to have to share your big day with that holiday either. We asked your big brother in heaven the same thing... and he skipped that day for us! :) We love you Asher.

God, thank you for Asher and for helping him grow. Lord I ask that you make the swine flu come back negative and that you help me to be able to reach out to other mom's here in the hospital. Lord please keep Asher safe during his birth and help him to be born after my flu results are negative. In Jesus name, Amen!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

H1N1 and update

It has been a week since my last post... mostly because I haven't been feeling that well. On Wednesday night I started coughing. Thursday morning they decided to do a flu test on me. To do the flu test they stick a long q-tip looking thing up your nose as far as they can an into your sinuses.

I had looked up side effects of my medication and coughing was one of them so I was not too worried. I figured it was just the medication. I had no other flu symptoms at all. But in case I did have it my room quickly became a quarantined zone. Only Nurses and doctors with full protection came into my room. My door was shut and I was not allowed to go to art group which I was really looking forward to.

My flu tests results were supposed to come back thursday night. Well they didn't so my door stayed closed. On friday the doctors offered me tamiflu in the morning... but I didn't want to take it unless I needed to take it so I waited for my results. It wasn't until 6:30 friday night that I found out my results. (I hear another shoe falling... get away you darn centipede)

I was told I was H1N1 positive. I had no idea what this meant for me or for the baby so I wanted to talk to the doctors about it. Unfortunately it was a busy night and I was told by the nurse that the doctors just didn't have time to talk to me. That threw me into a panic. I hate having questions that I can't answer myself. I didn't want to wait until the next day. I felt very isolated and very scared.

The next day one of the doctors came in later on during the day and answered my questions. For the most part though I have been in my room by myself since thursday. Not even the food service people will enter my room... in fact at first they wouldn't even knock as they left my tray outside my door. Now at least they knock before they scurry away.

One of the questions I asked the doctor was how long I was contagious. She told me that 48 hours after taking tamiflu I was no longer contagious. Yesterday, however, I was told that since pregnant people have weakened immune systems that they are contagious for a week. So instead of testing me the night I finish my tamiflu they will not be testing me again until Friday. That means I may not get my results until Saturday night or Monday night... missing a second weekend with my husband. I really really really really don't want that to happen.

I don't like being alone, and I don't like my door closed. It is very hard for me. Not seeing or hearing others can be very disturbing. Right now I am waiting for my morning BP to be taken. It was supposed to be taken an hour and 10 minutes ago. I guess being out of sight makes it harder to be remembered. I am not very good at asking for help either though so I guess it may be partly my fault too.

I am supposed to see my doctor some time today... but who knows when. She has clinic today so may actually not want to see me because of the H1N1 and the other patients... even though... I do have a scheduled appointment for today I think at 12:45. Maybe she will come up then? Maybe not? I guess I will just have to see who shows up today.

I had nebulizer treatments a couple days to make it so I could breath easier. They helped me sleep better.... so that i could lay down instead of sitting up. Yesterday I didn't do them and last night I probably could have but didn't really want to put extra medication in myself. Asher has had enough medication I think.

Lord God, please help me to get out of this isolation. Make it so when Asher is born I will be able to be with him and keep him safe. Help him to grow well and to get everything he needs in the days ahead so that when he is born he will be able to do well. Give me your peace in my alone time and keep me company when I am lonely. In Jesus name, amen.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Finally a new picture for you all! :)

I wanted to take some time today to post the last ultrasound picture taken of Asher a week ago. I know I was going to try and post it sooner but I just wasn't feeling up to it. I fixed the picture up yesterday and decided that now would be a good time to post it.

Today we are in the no news is good news stance with baby Asher. He has been moving all over the place causing a few more contractions but is doing well. My blood pressure seems to be doing good although I feel a little funny today so they are watching me close. Thankfully the doctor took me off the twice a day weighing plan. It was getting a bit discouraging seeing my weight go down every morning and then down more at night...very odd to me. But the weight was probably caused by the high blood pressure and was water... so it is good that it is coming down. That means less to lose after Asher is born. :)

God is keeping us both safe here in the hospital. I am thankful for that. Today I met a woman online who had preeclampsia that wasn't diagnosed until it was too late. I feel so bad for what happened to her. She lost her child at 33 weeks. I couldn't imagine that. It would be so awful. It makes me feel ever so blessed to have the care that I do have this year.

I wish all the women up here in the hospital felt as blessed and were as cooperative with treatment as I am. I have heard too many women complaining about taking their medications or doing simple things like testing their blood sugars in order to keep their babies safe. It seems like the diabetic ones complain the most... but the nurses and doctors are just trying to keep them and their babies safe. Take your meds ladies!!! Keep your babies safe!!!! Don't put them at risk for some carbs!!!! Some moms complain about the monitoring too. That is the best part! You get to hear your babies heart beats and movements. It is wonderful and miraculous! Walls are thin here ladies!!! Ok, I know I need to be nice but come on! I would do anything I have to to keep my precious Asher safe. I am taking my meds.... even though at first I was concerned about them and what they would do to him. I know I have to function right in order to keep him growing safely!

Today is 30 weeks for Baby Asher!!!! That is a miracle!!! He is still inside and growing!!! God is in control and when God wants Asher born he will be. I am waiting on the Lord and will trust in him for Asher!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Am I "waiting for the other shoe to drop"?

My doctor has said a few time through my pregnancy that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting.... how many shoes are there? Is there a centipede upstairs? Ok, to get that reference I will have to explain to yhe best of my knowledge what waiting for the other shoe to drop comes from.

Here is what I found when I looked it up:
What does the phrase 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' mean?
It means waiting for something bad to happen which you are expecting.
It comes from a famous music hall joke about a man who is woken by the drunk upstairs dropping his shoe. He can't get back to sleep because he is waiting for the second crash on the ceiling. Eventually he shouts upstairs "For Heavens sake, drop the other shoe!"

So as you can see waiting for just one shoe to drop... doesn't work for me or Asher. If that were true I would have been done with my shoe way earlier in this pregnancy. Misdiagnosed miscarriage, SCH, EIF, placenta close to cervix, PIH, preeclampsia, and contractions. Way too many shoes.

In reality though have I really been waiting for something bad to happen? Do I not trust God enough to be sure that my baby will be born happy and healthy? I know the loss of baby Nels 11 months ago today has effected me greatly. It made me mistrust doctors because they didn't catch his problem soon enough (even though I really do trust my doctors here, because they were the ones who got me my hour with Nels.) It caused me to re-examine my faith and belief in miracles ( although since then I have come to see my hour with Nels as my miracle.) It made me think that at any time a precious miracle could be snatched away. It tore my very heart out and left it in shreds. It made me believe that I had done something to deserve my son being taken away,,,but I know God does not work that way.

So why am I waiting for something more to happen? I know that I should be expecting the best for baby Asher. He will be born happy and healthy. He will come home safely. He will live a long happy life. I will be able to feed him, nurture him and give him everything the Lord has blessed me with. God has protected Asher so far. I have no doubts that God will bring him safely into this world.

So should I wait for yet another shoe? No way! No more shoes! See ya later centipede!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Contractions, time to slow down baby Asher!

Today they decided to check my cervix because of the contractions I have been having. You see... Asher is a busy moving boy and doesn't like those contractions... so more happen. Last week when I had an ultrasound and my cervix was 6cm long. Extra long! Not normal long! That was good.

Today however my cervix was not only down to 2 but it was also open and dilated to 2 as well. So they gave me some medicine to stop the contractions or calm the uterus. This medicine was working a little so I hope that it will help to keep Asher happy and in me for some time.

I would love for Asher to be able to stay in until the beginning of November... but it is up to God at this point when he wants Asher born. I will do my best to do everything I can to keep him safe and happy inside until that time.

Dear God, I come to you today and thank you for Asher. I thank you that you are working in his life and that you are preparing a place for him here. Lord I ask that you help Asher to stay in and grow as long as he can so he won't have to go to NICU. I want to have him be born happy healthy and whole. Thank you Lord for all you are doing. Amen.

Friday, October 2, 2009

God sure know's what He is doing!

Ok, my little freak out about the drugs yesterday was not needed nor required. I should have just trusted that God was using the doctors and directing their steps... because I know it has to be a part of His plan.

The doctor who is doing rounds this week is the cardiac OB specialist of the hospital and he is working with my doctor to keep Asher and I safe. When I brought up that I had concerns about this drug he sat down and explained everything to me. He told me all about a study that they had done here on breast feeding and this drug as well. So even though I don't like being on drugs, I now feel that it must be God's will for me to have them. I know God wants the best for me. He doesn't want me or Asher hurt.

Then I talked to my doctor a little bit later. She used the words preeclampsia instead of pregnancy induced hypertension this time. So that gave them reason to keep me here until Asher is born safely. I want him safe. I would to anything to make sure he comes into this world in a safe way and that he will get to come home with us!

Asher is moving a ton today. He even decided that maybe it would be fun to take up residence on mommy's ribs... Yes... on top! Don't ask me how that happened. I just have a really long uterus. The movement brings me some peace... as does knowing that I will be here safe. God, is ultimately in control and His will will be done.

So my prayer focus will be on Asher growing, on maintaining a good BP, and on staying calm and safe in this place for Asher.

Abba, Heavenly Father, I thank you that you always know the plan and that when I feel like things are out of my control, I can come to you and ask for your peace that passes understanding. Lord you are in control. I am a vessel here that you can mold and make in the way you desire. Lord give your directions and I will follow them. I will rest in your presence and wait for the day I can hold my little boy in my arms and dedicate him unto you! In Jesus name, amen!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Day 3 in the hospital the drugs I am on

Today was Day 3 in the hospital. Asher was very sluggish. He wasn't moving much at all for the most part. His heart rate was doing well though so that is good. I was still on the Labor and Delivery side for most of the day as they had me continue the Magnesium sulfate until 5pm. At one point I was on sugar water with it as well. When you get Magnesium in an IV they give it to you with another liquid so it doesn't burn as much as it would on it's own. The sugar water was added today because I needed to get something to stay in. So I had 3 different IV liquids at that time. They turned down the one that went with the magnesium so that they could give me the sugar water. When it was time to be done with that it accidentally got shut off without adding the one that went with the magnesium again at a higher amount. It immediately began to burn as it went in. Ouch! Thankfully it got fixed fast! The nurses are so great here! I had an ice pack on where it was burning for awhile but then 5 came and I got to take it off completely.

Tonight I was moved over to the Antepartum unit of the hospital. This is the unit where mom's who need help but aren't in labor go. It is so much quieter on this side. In the first room I was in there were several babies born. 3 in one room while I was there to different mom's and 2 in another. Most of them went down to the postpartum room rather quickly. But today there was a little boy crying in the one room next to me for most of the day. It is a beautiful sound in a way... but one that made me very sad at the same time, because my little boy last year didn't get a chance to cry like that. Poor baby Nels was barely able to make any noises at all but each sound that came from him was precious to me.

They came in my room earlier and told me that the orders were changed from constant monitoring of baby Asher to once a day monitoring for 20 minutes. I lost it after the nurse left... and was on the phone with Chris when the doctors came in. They did tell me though that if it made me feel more comfortable to hear Asher more that they could do it more often and just to ask. I would do it all the time if it were up to me so that probably wasn't the best thing to tell me at that moment but it gave me some peace to know that I could here my baby before I go to bed.

I am sorry I didn't get the picture taken of the ultrasound picture yet today. I will have to do that tomorrow. So far as far as I know the plan has not changed passed keeping me for the weekend. That makes me extremely nervous! Handling medication on my own would not only be scary for me but not having Asher monitored but once every other week would be awful. I would be in constant panic. I can't lose this little one. I refused to do that. I don't want to not be able to bring him home. I need this help to keep him safe and to keep myself safe. I couldn't handle losing another baby. It would break me apart completely. I am so scared for baby Asher. I don't want my body to be a hostile place for him. I want it to be a welcoming happy place were he grows safely.

The medication they have put me on now is called Atenolol. It does have risk factors for Asher that I just read about. It is a catagory D drug which is generally not given to pregnant people... only if the risk out weighs the benifits is it given. The risk for Asher is more then I thought it would be and I am going to have to talk with my doctor about it. Here is what I found out about the drug and pregnancy from a medical site
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) uses a category system to classify the possible risks to a fetus when a specific medicine is taken during pregnancy. Atenolol is considered a pregnancy Category D medicine. Pregnancy Category D is given to medicines that have shown clear evidence of risk to the fetus in studies. A pregnancy Category D medicine may still be given to a pregnant woman if the healthcare provider believes that the benefits to the woman outweigh the possible risks to the unborn child.

What Is the Risk of Using Atenolol When Pregnant?
A few of the complications seen with some fetuses or newborns exposed to atenolol near the end of pregnancy include:Low birth weight
Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
Slowed heart rate (bradycardia).

Studies suggest that the risk of low birth weight increases with the length of time that atenolol is used (with the largest problems seen when women take atenolol for several weeks or more during pregnancy).Atenolol and Breastfeeding: An Overview
Atenolol (Tenormin®) passes through breast milk in humans. It is a beta blocker medication that is used to lower blood pressure and decrease the heart rate. Atenolol can cause serious problems in a nursing infant. Therefore, you should talk with your healthcare provider before taking it if you are breastfeeding or plan to start.

Can I Take This Medication While Breastfeeding?
In general, taking atenolol while breastfeeding is not recommended. The drug accumulates in breast milk, and a nursing infant can receive a significant portion of the atenolol dose. Problems such as a dangerously slow heart rate, low blood pressure, and low blood sugar may occur. Blue skin (caused by problems with the heart and oxygen) has also occurred.

Talking With Your Healthcare Provider
You should talk with your healthcare provider about breastfeeding and Each woman's situation is different, and you and your healthcare provider understand your situation best. After considering what you want and expect, as well as your current health situation, the two of you can make a shared decision that is right for you.

No, this is not acceptable. I can't do this to my baby! I won't put him through any more pain! I don't know what to do! I need to talk to my doctor about this because I really hope there is a better answer. I don't want harm to come to me or Asher... but I will not put his life and his food source later at risk. God, please help me find a better way. I wish my doctor was here now but she won't be here until tomorrow. I can't be taking this drug through out the rest of the pregnancy. Good... my blood pressure is down now.... bad this drug can harm my baby. The FDA rates the safety of drugs for pregnant women in categories. Atenolol is catagory D the one right before never take. Here is how the categories go

Category A

Controlled studies in women fail to demonstrate a risk to the fetus in the first trimester (and there is no evidence of a risk in later trimesters), and the possibility of fetal harm appears remote.

Category B

Either animal-reproduction studies have not demonstrated a fetal risk but there are no controlled studies in pregnant women, or animal-reproduction studies have shown an adverse effect (other than a decrease in fertility) that was not confirmed in controlled studies in women in the first trimester (and there is no evidence of a risk in later trimesters).
Category C

Either studies in animals have revealed adverse effects on the fetus (teratogenic or embryocidal or other) and there are no controlled studies in women, or studies in women and animals are not available. Drugs should be given only if the potential benefit justifies the potential risk to the fetus.
Category D

There is positive evidence of human fetal risk, but the benefits from use in pregnant women may be acceptable despite the risk (e.g., if the drug is needed in a life-threatening situation or for a serious disease for which safer drugs cannot be used or are ineffective).
Category X

Studies in animals or human beings have demonstrated fetal abnormalities, or there is evidence of fetal risk based on human experience or both, and the risk of the use of the drug in pregnant women clearly outweighs any possible benefit. The drug is contraindicated in women who are or may become pregnant.

Why can't they give me something from A or B? Asher is my one chance to do this right... now I feel like I just screwed that up by blindly taking medications that could hurt him. God please for give me and protect my baby. There has to be something else that can be done... there just has to be! I will glady sit chained to my bed for the rest of the time... I will take anything that won't hurt him... but please please please... there has to be something else.

In the Hospital with Baby Asher!

Tuesday, at my follow up appointment for all my tests I had a blood pressure of 177/109. This was way too high! Not good for me and not good for the baby. The first thing they did was try to see what was causing the high blood pressure by doing an ultrasound of my heart called an Ultracom.

An Ultracom is a heart diagnostic procedure that was actually developed in 1979 at the University of Washington where it was done. Basically what they do is take an ultrasound receiver and place it on the heart to look at the blood flow and the dilation of the blood vessels. The start with looking at the heart measurements on what looks like radio frequencies rather then a picture of the heart. Once these measurements are taken the take a measurement of the blood flow from the artery in your neck. This is the most uncomfortable part of the test by in most parts is completely painless and is noninvasive. There are two ways blood pressure can be made.... by out put and by tightening. When they did my Ultracom both ways were effected.

So with the results of the Ultracom I was checked in upstairs at the hospital. I was immediately put on 3 blood pressure medications and Magnesium Sulfate. The Magnesium does many different things. It works to help protect the mom and the baby from stroke, it can help protect the baby from brain damage, it relaxes muscles, lowers blood pressure (for some) and helps stop preterm labor. It has the nasty side effects of:"Flushing, Nausea, Vomiting, Palpitations, Headache, General muscle weakness, Lethargy, & Constipation" but for me it is like a over all heating of my arm where the IV is, nausea, & headache. It really is not that bad compared to how some people feel on it.

Yesterday I was only given one of the BP medications as my BP had been in normal range since they brought it down rapidly the night before. In the afternoon I was taken off the clear liquid diet but lost part of the meal I ate. I don't really feel hungry but the nurse said this morning that I was needing to get something in so we are trying to do a very mild meal... cream of rice with honey and peanut butter and a bannana. I am hoping that will stay down as I slowly eat it while blogging.

I was told yesterday that I would be here in the hospital at least through this weekend. I am still going under the assumption that this is just PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) and not the preeclampsia because they haven't told me anything really different. They did say though that this last pee test did have some protein in it which is a sign of preeclampsia. I guess I will learn more later. I will be getting off the magnesium by 3 today. When I get off the magnesium they will have to evaluate if I need more medication or not for the blood pressure and what I need to do to keep myself and Asher safe. I am praying that they will keep monitoring Asher until he is born. He needs to be born safe and happy and that would be the best way for this to happen.

I had another Ultracom yesterday for my heart and then I had an Ultrasound for Asher. Today I found out that he is 3 lbs just right for his age not big not small. That was good to find out he has been growing ok. The placenta is only 1.2 cm from the cervix now. I think that is a change of .2 not enough to make a difference yet but we should have more time before he is born, depending on my BP. I have a new ultrasound picture from yesterday that I will post later. I need to be able to take a picture of it to put it online.

Dear God, thank you for getting Asher and I the help we need. Thank you for put us in the hospital where they can make sure that Asher is doing well. Lord I ask that you continue to help Asher and I to do well in this way and to get the care we need. Lord I give this time in the hospital to you and ask that you work in Asher in this time to help him grow and be born healthy. Please have them keep us under watchful eye and do not let anything happen to baby Asher. I pray Lord that you will make it so I will be able to take home a happy healthy baby boy. In Jesus name, amen!