Monday, October 26, 2009

Having a bit of a moment :(

This evening has been a rough one for me. Even though I had a nice visit with my cousin Tara and then with my mom and dad later on in the afternoon. That and getting a couple cards from Sandra were the bright spots of my day.

I have been having between 18 and 20 contractions an hour today. Pretty constant so I started to get a wee bit sore. The constant contractions have pretty much been happening for the last 3 days. My body is getting a bit tired and my mind is a bit tired too.

Early this evening I had a couple contractions that were hard enough to cause me to dry heave. That was bad. All it did was bring up memories of when I had baby Nels. The night before I had him I dry heaved pretty badly. Contractions were different with him though because the eased off and sometimes stopped all together. That is why I had to have Pitocin with him on the second day.

My doctor told me on Friday that my body was just one of those bodies that contracted a lot and that I shouldn't expect to have Asher until later on. She says my cervix is a cervix of steal. Honestly, I don't think I can handle weeks of this. My body is already tired... what will weeks do? Plus what is it doing to poor little Asher being squished and un-squished constantly.

This morning when the doctors came around I was getting out of the shower. They told me they would come back... but didn't. Evidently they decided on their own that they didn't need to monitor Asher twice a day anymore. This makes me nervous... contractions are getting worse... so less monitoring? UggggHHHHH! So frustrating. It gave me such peace hearing him at night. But it won't happen tonight. :( It make me kind of sad and kind of a little afraid of what could happen to Asher in the mean time. I didn't see a doctor all day today. I guess they are resigned to me being a chronically contracting person and aren't really concerned about Asher being born early.

I had a dream about that a couple days ago. Contractions were ignored long enough that I called Chris at work and told him I was having that day and he should come. In my dream he came and went over to the labor and delivery side. He was waiting over there in an empty room. I was going to walk over there too. As soon as I got close to that hall though I had Asher fall out in my pajamas. I picked him up and carried him to Chris. It was a very odd dream. I don't think that it will happen that way but I am concerned that they won't know when it is really happening. I am not the boy who cried wolf people... I really am having some bad contractions... you can see them on your monitoring... can't fake it!!!!

Ok I guess I should calm down and just try to be at peace at the moment for Asher's sake. I know God is in control and that He won't let me go through this alone and be in pain for weeks. I know also that Asher is grown well and would do fine if born soon so I can be at peace with that but what I don't know is how these contractions are treating him.

Please God keep Asher safe through the contractions and prepare his way quickly. In Jesus name, Amen!

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